to barclay on his 14th birthday

My precious boy, my first born baby,

I don’t know what I’m doing being your mother, all I know is that you don’t make me feel like I need to have it all figured out. You give me so much grace and patience as I bobble my way through.

I think this year was the closest I’ve ever felt to you. As a newborn you cried and pushed me away (allergies) all the time, and you’ve just not been the snuggliest kid…but goodness you are fun right now. I love that we can connect on photography, thrifting, music, and just life and all that makes it beautiful.

I think one of the most proud times I’ve been of you was when you were telling me about a conversation at school and how you had stood up for people who had done really bad things and deserved punishments…but the way you described how those people had probably been harmed…it gave me a peek into the deeply compassionate man you are becoming and who you are.

You are so wild at heart, so manly, so happy and comfortable working with you hands, so quick to help.

You have really come back to the 9 year old Barclay style and love all things 1920s. I get such a kick out of seeing you dress up like an old man (but a super cool man).

This year I surprised you and took you to a Lumineers concert. Jumping up and down and singing at the top of our lungs, singing off pitch as loudly as we could, running through the streets of Charlotte late at night hand in hand…gosh I’ll never forget it. It felt so good to just be so happy and present with you.

You know this, but you are just insane at sports. Every single one you’ve touched, you’ve just become amazing at. Soccer has your heart though. Most of the time you are with a soccer ball just annoying all of us with the constant noise of hitting the ball. I think that sports have just given so much life into you, so grateful.

You are pretty intense (no clue where you get that from) and often are a bit strong…but the way you are around children is so soft and sweet and nurturing. I love watching you bend down to a small one at school or encourage someone at the park.

I am so shocked how much you talk to me. It feels so open and honest, and I keep hearing parts of your heart as you navigate being a teenager in this weird age. Often I’ll be editing at nights and you’ll just come sit next to me and we will talk about God, girls, school, the future…I don’t know if it will last but I am eating it up!

This next year you will start HIGH SCHOOL and although that feels insane to me…I also feel so sure that you’ll be ok. You have a good head on your shoulders and a very compassionate heart.

Being your mama is such a journey and an honor. Thanks for all the grace you give me, and all the great tunes you keep our little family set with.

Every year I say it, and every year I mean it…watching you become you is just magic.

I love you, Barclay.

Happy birthday.

Mama