sometimes it hurts

sometimes it hurts when wiggly teeth come out

sometimes it hurts to nurse your sweaty baby and know it could be the last

sometimes it hurts to be so tired and weary that it feels like you can’t take another step

sometimes it hurts to look back weeks later and ache at the love

sometimes it hurts when you love your baby so much but can’t stop his tears

sometimes it hurts to watch him climb higher and higher without you

sometimes it hurts to not be able to be with your love because a million tiny things keep you busy-important things

sometimes it hurts to see your baby’s cautious steps and know that next year she’ll be sure footed

sometimes it hurts to see your child covered in dirt and happier than he has ever been

sometimes it hurts to watch everyone you love from a distance and know that tomorrow isn’t promised

sometimes it hurts to breathe because love fills your heart

sometimes it hurts to push through crying and whining and packing and so many other unpleasant things

but it always is worth it to be together

sometimes I think hurt must be love

that ache so deep for things to be frozen so you can drink in one more moment of that time in life

Fondly remembering this little trip we took in May to celebrate our 11 year anniversary.  It was the time that Lucy had an ear ache and Barclay’s tooth almost fell out.  It was a time of pausing-even if just for a day.  It was a time when my love for Noah had never been stronger and his beard had never been fuller.  It was a time when Sullivan dug for hours in dirt without saying a word.  It was a time when my body and soul was so weary that I just sat and watched from afar with tears falling.  

My family.  

My family.  

This day breathed life back into me.  Every day we adventure together does.     

selah | the drawing in of family

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12b

This verse rings so true to me about the Dugdale family.  

Ever since I met Katie and her four young children I was drawn to the gentle way she fostered a strong relationship between them.  I would sit back and watch in awe as they played together and protected each other.  They quickly became one of my very favorite families to be around and truly they have given me such an inspired vision for putting family first and protecting that special bond.

In January, after weeks and weeks of migraines it was discovered that Selah had a golf ball sized tumor at the base of her brain.  At this point in time my children were in the Dugdale's home twice a week and Selah who had increasingly felt worse and worse would spend the times holding my Lucy Miller's hand and playing dolls with her.  A winter storm was fast approaching when Katie texted that she and Selah were taking an ambulance from her MRI to Charlotte to have immediate brain surgery that night.  

Mindnumbing.  Baffling.

I see several posts a day about children with cancer and even though my heart breaks a little more every time, this was one of our own.

They were able to remove the entire tumor and thankfully the cancer had not spread anywhere else.  Still weeks of radiation and months of chemo in  a different state were to follow.  

I have watched this family over the months and no matter what the trial or hardship of the day, they are forever drawing their family in.  Together.  

It was such an honor to capture just a little of that drawing in a few days before they left for the summer.  The girls honored me by posing for my sacred roots project.  

If you would like to help out the Dugdales financially you can donate here:

www.gofundme.com/selahsjourney

You can also follow their journey here:

 www.caringbridge.org/visit/selahdugdale

laura and her boys | san clemente, california

Dear Laura,

Thank you for working till the wee morning hours to finish your paper the night before.  Thank you for packing up your boys for a 2 hour early morning drive.  Thank you for bringing them in their well loved shoes and their pants meant for playing in the dirt.  Thank you for taking the time to kneel down and look at their rolly pollys and their lady bugs.  Thank you for loving your oldest so tenderly and so vibrantly.  Thank you for seeing the beauty in weeds clutched in chubby hands and in dirty knees.  Thank you for the gift of your trust and your belief in my art.  Thank you for not giving up when things got tough and not only that, thank you for letting us all see you with your three strung behind you like beads, climbing the mountain, one step at a time.  Thank you for enveloping them in your arms so fiercely and so protectively.  You love them so well.  Thank you for inspiring my mama heart all the more.  

You are breathless to behold.