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Oh my darling girl,

A year has come and gone since you were placed in my arms and I treasured every single minute. Truly. I have hundreds of early mornings stored up in my heart as I watched your eye lashes flutter open and find me. There is no doubt in my heart that you don’t know the love we share.

You have brought so much joy into my soul. You have brought so much healing to my heart.

I remember laying on the operating table, and it seemed so peaceful. My favorite hymn was playing over the speaker and every single person in there was so kind. Emily was rubbing lavender on my head and the beautiful warm bright lights were shining all about. I remember the excitement of KNOWING I was about to meet you, and the fact that I wouldn’t have to worry if you would be alive.

You have taught me so much in your short life and your birth story has opened my heart to women in a new and exciting way. You knocked down walls of judgment and freed me to love and support no matter what.

I laugh when I think back to when I thought c section mamas couldn’t possibly bond with their babies as well. Ha!

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You are pure sunshine and delight. Other than your car seat, I can count on one hand the times I couldn’t console you which is a far cry from how it was with your brothers. God knew we needed you.

Everyone who looks into your eyes feels love. There is a warmth that drips from your eyes that is intoxicating and so very genuine. Even strangers comment to me how they feel when they look into your eyes.

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I can tell you are going to be kind and caring and gentle. But you are also a fireball thanks to your big brothers who love you and hang on your every coo.

You are content. So very content. I love watching you play with your simple toys (aka random things found on the floor). You prefer having fists full of whatever you are playing with. I would say your favorite toy at this point in time is a deck of playing cards. You crack me up as you very seriously one by one put them into one hand.

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I think more than anything, you have melted the ice of my heart and have allowed me to believe that God wants to bless me. Previously I had been living in fear of the next bad thing, but you were the literal and actual desire of my young, immature heart…every last detail of you.

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You are my rainbow baby. A treasure born after 3 losses.

Lucy Miller, I cannot imagine how our lives could be without you in it. I feel like I won the lottery to be your mama.

As sad as it is to leave behind your first year, I know that year two is going to bring so much beautiful change and I will get to hear more words and see you learn and grow.

Praising the Lord for your life, today and everyday.

Your Mama

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Helen Joy’s Photographer Blog

To Lucy Miller on her very first birthday