to Lucy Miller on her 10th birthday

Lucy girl,

I started this letter like I usually do, on the night before your tenth birthday.  I’ve never missed that ritual in your entire life.  But that night I was woken up right before midnight with some hard news from a friend and I didn’t sleep a wink and I never finished it.  As I’ve come many times to finish this letter, I’ve been struck with the grief of this season of girlhood.  You are literally in between it all and it’s so special and it’s also so sad.  I know the future holds a lot of lessons for you and I just want to keep you little a little while longer.  You still play with dolls sometimes and this Christmas had a renewed belief in Santa Clause, but womanhood is just above the horizon.  You’ll probably start your cycle in the next year or two, you’ve become self aware in a way that we all do at that age, you have struggled with girls at school this past year and have wept in my arms about it.  Here’s the thing dear girl, just because this age often brings waves of pain and growth doesn’t mean it has to be that way for you.  You have a fiery little flame and have learned many life skills already.  I’m just holding my breath as you unfurl and so happy to be your mama and witness.

No one in the world has ever been more excited about turning 10 than you.  If I could bottle that sparkle in your eyes that happened when you have talked about it for the past year, it would be the purest form of wonder.  I love your pure little romantic heart so much.

The day you turned 10 I promised you that you could get your ears pierced.  We have planned and talked about it a thousand times and today was the day.  You were bouncing with anticipation and your older cousin Rainy has been waiting years so you could do it together…and then when it came your turn I could see absolute panic on your face…and 2 hours later (and a brief chocolate lounge break) we all gave up and went home.  I guess we will try again in a few months.  It kind of broke me open to see that look on your face and to not be able to do anything to make you realize that you are so brave and that doing hard things is a skill that you need to develop.  You were so gutted that you didn’t do it.  Your beautiful cheeks were wet the whole ride home and in the photos of you blowing out your candles. 

This year you did do the mile run and didn’t come in last.  You came in last at the beginning of the year and it haunted you.  For a month you were sick just thinking about the mile run coming up.  You threw up, you refused to get dressed, you sobbed in my arms…and I just kept nudging you on.  And you did it and did it 2 minutes faster than last time.  You called from Dad’s house that afternoon and the pride in your voice made me jump up and down with happiness. 

This doing hard things thing is relatively new to me-it’s a skill that I was late in developing.  So girl you are way ahead of the game.  You’re gonna be unstoppable.

Long gone are the cute outfits, the darling pigtails, or the famous squeaky shoes that drew attention from a mile wide…and still people are drawn to you like moths to a flame…because it’s the light inside of you that is mesmerizing and I love that you don’t need any outside affirmation to keep it going.

This year you dove into sign language and it is totally your thing.  You have the sweetest teacher and have found something that comes so naturally to you to grow in.  I’m excited to see where it takes you!  I have a dear friend who is going deaf and doesn’t know any sign so you made her video teaching her how to spell her name and how to say bull shit…which I think you sensed might come in handy in her situation.  

You got a new baby cousin this year…baby Piper…and seeing you with her has melted me into a puddle.  You’re gonna be one hell of a babysitter! 

Big changes happened this year when Jimmy came into our lives.  At first you loved him, but quickly realized he was here to stay and sort of pulled back quite a bit.  It took a bit of testing for you to realize that me loving him and him loving me didn’t take away from our love.  And now you are the biggest Jimmy and mama fan.  I find drawings with pictures and words with a million combinations of love and Mama and Jimmy.  I see you grinning when he hugs me in the kitchen or slow dances with me.  The other day Jimmy and I were working through some hard things and he was holding me and telling me that he was staying and loved me.  I saw you watching it all happen and noticed such a steadiness to you after you witnessed that. The fact that you will know what love should look like, that it’s not perfect all the time but it can also be completely magical…that makes me so happy.  

Jimmy and I joke about month anniversaries and you found out once that it was our six month dating anniversary 6 months ago and you made me take you to the grocery store to buy an anniversary card for me where you wrote me that you were so happy for me.   

You love him.  You put notes in his lunch all the time, you snuggle him goodnight, you call to tell him about your day.  One of my favorite memories was you woke up hours before the boys on Christmas Eve (when you celebrate Christmas with me) and you snuggled between us and just chattered away for HOURS.  

Not going to lie, living with two older brothers is brutal sometimes.  You often sigh and say “brothers” like your lot in life is a heavy cross to bear.  They are slowly starting to protect you more than tease you. Barclay took you to a high school basketball game recently and you ended up performing on the court with the varsity cheerleaders!  You were so high in the clouds about that. 

You have a sweet therapist who adores you and has helped you work through quite a bit of anxiety.  

One of the highlights of your year was going to the nutcracker with Hadley.  Ya’ll were legit tweens with so much sass and unwavering opinions.  Aunt Reba and I just couldn’t stop giggling.

We had a little 3 friends over birthday party for you and ya’ll were delighted with the solo cup shot glasses of lemonade and the mattress you jumped on in the yard.  You told me it was the best party ever!   

Lucy Miller, I love being your mama.  I love watching you become.  I am cheering you on dear girl.  You’re doing awesome!  Keep that shining crown.

All my love, Mama

How to actually ENJOY your wedding day AND get good photos

When my grandparents got married more than 60 years ago they had exactly one photo taken to remember the day. This photo is treasured by children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

When I first started photographing weddings 18 years ago, when blogs and pinterest were a new thing, I was struck with how much of the wedding day was consumed with getting photos. I was often handed a 2-3 page list of photos to recreate, dozens of combinations of people to capture while the couple stayed centered in the middle, and strict timelines. It didn’t take me long to realize that not only were my couples disassosiated from the day and their love for eachother, they weren’t getting the photos that they REALLY wanted.

Here are 5 tips to ensure that you and your partner ENJOY your wedding day AND get incredible photos you actually want:

*Have the goal to have how your wedding day FELT like instead of what it LOOKED like.

I promise you that you will have plenty of photos of how everything looked. The dress you so carefully selected, the candlesticks your aunt helped you find at antique stores, the way your father looked in his suit. Instead of worrying about capturing all of that, lean more into the imperfect details that show how it FELT on that day. Mostly this involves capturing the love surrounding you, the warmth of the candles that are dripping because the conversations were so good, or the blur of everyone dancing.

*Trust and let go.

You’ve been in charge of all the details up to this point, this is the time to let go of control, trust the people you’ve set in place, and enjoy how the day unfolds.

*Embrace imperfections

Trust me. The things that don’t quite go as planned usually end up being the stories you tell, the quirks that make your wedding day your own. So if your dad’s tie is crooked all day, the wind blows your veil 8 feet in the air, you dance so much you have to take your shoes off…believe me when I say those are the moments you will look back on in 20 years with a smile on your face. So put away that 5 page shot list you downloaded from pinterest and let your day be imperfectly yours.

*Don’t take all your photos directly after the ceremony.

Long gone are the days of lining up bridesmaids by height, getting lighting perfect, or spending 2 hours photographing everyone while your guests are enjoying the reception without you.

I never spend more than 15 minutes getting all the family photos (that you need to get before your uncle drinks too much wine, or your grandmother has to get to bed). This can be fun and candid and fast! And then I get a few shots of the couple connecting knowing that I have many opportunities to get others throughout the night. Maybe it is sneaking out for 5 minutes to capture the sunset or a tender kiss as you both take a breather from dancing the night away. Knowing there’s not just one chance to get photos opens up so many possibilities.

*Hire a photographer that is on the same page.

Hire a photographer who wants nothing more than for you to enjoy your day. They aren’t photographing for their blog or instagram, they aren’t trying to force their ideas of how the day should go. Hire someone who notices all the details that make the day yours because they are enjoying your day too.

Want to schedule a free 20 minute wedding consultation to see how I can help you enjoy your wedding day?

Schedule a no pressure phone call with me HERE

to sullivan on his 12th birthday

sweetest valentine of mine,

Another year, another year of watching you and trying to understand you. You are easily the most simple to please and yet so deeply complex that I feel like I will never know you.

You started your 12th year with an epic trip to the ocean to go fishing with Rainy, Bet Bet, and me. We caught fish, enjoyed a boat ride, and found sharks teeth in the river.

You continue to excel in everything relating to animals and nature. You find every live thing in a square foot, you light up when you tell me facts about animals you love, you melt every time we meet a dog.

You’re SO cute, Sullivan. Your grin is so michevious and impish. You actaully have a lot of friends despite moving schools 4 times in 4 years. I saw a picture from your first middleschool dance and you were in the middle surrounded by friends.

You’ve gotten in trouble quite a bit lately as you try to find your way out of your brother’s shadow and find your way. Thankfully nothing ill willed but mostly clever one liners that are hilarious and also not appropriate. You make me laugh regularly, and your timing is just perfection.

You are the artist I’ve always wanted to be. You sit for hours and create with such detail and precision. I can’t wait to see how you use it as you navigate your life. I have to be pretty frugal but I definitely you know I will never say no to art supplies.

I am so proud of you this year for trying out for all the sports and making it! Barclay starts and does so amazing and you could have decided that was too hard to try but you did and you made it and you are such a good teammate. I’m so proud of you for believing in yourself and cheering you on to make a basket at the last game on Thursday. \

You are my snuggliest kid by far and several times a day you come and sit on my lap even though you’re taller than me. You drape over my shoulders and ask for back rubs. I love it and I hope that when you’re 30 years old and over six feet you still sit on my lap.

Sullivan, I want to see your eyes sparkle more. I’m on the hunt to find something that lights you up and connects you with other people.

I’m so happy to be your mama.

I love you!

Mama